Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Intervention Needed, STAT!

I've never really taken much notice of the Spice Girls or David Beckham. It's obvious why Becks is famous...his wife is a little more of a mystery. It's not like she really does all that much, and yet we keep getting pictures of her:

What's this? Living Interpretation of Cinnamon Sticks Gasping for Air Through Oversized Nostrils? With googly eyes to match? This is not pretty, Stickham. Not at all.

In fairness to Stickham, her hair looks fabulous, she always has great shades, I like the color of the sweater, and her shoes are way cute (I told you pointy flats were in!). Her lips are always perfectly glossed, and she never appears in public looking anything less than well-put-together. Britney should take a leaf from her notebook.

However, in most other respects the woman is a trainwreck. She's only 32 years old, yet her extreme waifishness in combination with the work she's undoubtedly had done make her look much older. What is it about this business that hardens women's faces?

Case in point: In both of these pictures, Stickham looks thin, but normal. Her face is softer and her nose and eyes don't bulge as they do now.

See? Normal legs, normal stomach, sweet face.

It's sad to see these boylike figures promoted as beauty. And it's sad to see women like Stickham bow and scrape at the altar of Nicole-Richies waifness just to get in the tabloids each week. And I find it especially pathetic that her husband is a famous athlete and therefore supposedly a picture of health yet his own wife has wasted away like this.

Other problems with this outfit:

-Shorts. No. Bad. Shorts are for the beach. Shorts are for picnics. Shorts are for volleyball and sports. Shorts are not for wearing out to lunch with a friend.
-Stickham, you're happy to see us...have you ever heard of a sweater bra? Please buy one today.
-Oh to return to the mid-90's when fair was the new tan.

To quote the Fug Girls,

We are on high alert.