Please tell me this is an early Halloween costume.

Please tell me that's a wig. (Coincidentally, I had that same haircut back in kindergarten when my mom used to cut my hair. Which meant my bangs started from the back of my head.)

Please tell me leggings are returning to that flaming cesspool in hell from whence they came.

Please tell me leather vests are biker-only wear. If that.

Please tell me her Aquafina isn't spiked.

Oy.