Wednesday, March 22, 2006

A Short Debate: Las F's platform on shorts and platforms

Flackette asks:
"Would one of you please, pretty please, with a cherry on top talk about the whole 'shorts with chunky sandals' trend that seems to be popular this summer? I would love to get your thoughts on it! I think Jessica Simpson started that trend with her get-ups last summer..."

These shoes weren't made for walking!

Flackette, we're fairly certain that this trend can go nowhere good with the Average Jane. If we all had Jessica's gorgeous gams and toned stomach, then I'd be less concerned.

The problem is, though, most of us don't have the figures to pull off shorts in the first place. And some of us are in denial of this fact, unnecessarily searing the corneas of an unsuspecting public by gaily flaunting our pale cottage cheese thighs and bubbly bums. Why? Because the Average Jane usually looks to Hollywood for her fashion ideas. I won't debate the virtues (or many disadvantages) of this policy, because if I did we'd be here until next week.

I avoid shorts like the plague, even though I could get away with them if I wanted to. They're, well, shorts. The kind you wore when you were playing in the sandbox or on the beach. I just don't like them. There are so many other cute things to wear, why would I waste my time with an outfit that will make me self-conscious? I like Jessica, and I can tolerate her Daisy Dukes with platforms, but I draw the line at formal shorts. What an offense to my shining sensibilities:
Nothing says 'desperate for attention' quite like a wardrobe malfunction. Nice posture honey!

We at Las F heartily approve of a healthy dose of R-E-A-L-I-T-Y. That is to say, if you're every bit as toned and as compact as Jessica, then go right ahead and wear those Daisy Dukes and platforms with pride. You've earned it! But do consider first if Ahoy Mate is really a fashion philosophy you feel comfortable adopting. Every has to have limits.

And if you're not fit for a Simpson Lookalike contest, take heart. Find something more sensible to wear, and remember that ten years from now you're one outfit less likely to look at your summer 2006 pictures and say in disbelief: "What was I thinking?!"