Friday, September 16, 2005

The unveiling of Sienna Miller

Sienna, we don't like Jude Law, and we like him even less since he cheated on you. Who cares what he looks like, a cheating bastard is a cheating bastard. End of discussion. But you, darling, could go places. This is a perfect opportunity for you to rise to fame thanks to the compassion of the public. I mean, look at Jennifer Aniston. Everyone loves her. She could get any role she wants right now, appear on any show, visit any celebrity. I mean, Oprah invited her up to her mansion. That means she's golden. The Big O has spoken.

Might we recommend, darling, that when you do go places, you do it dressed in something like this:

And not this:

Or this:

Oh-Audrey Hepburn called, and there's some huge soiree going on up in Heaven. She's really nervous because the big G is going to be there, and she wants to know if she can please please have her old black dress back?

Looks like it's time to go shopping, babe. Call me--I'll help you!