Sienna, we don't like Jude Law, and we like him even less since he cheated on you. Who cares what he looks like, a cheating bastard is a cheating bastard. End of discussion. But you, darling, could go places. This is a perfect opportunity for you to rise to fame thanks to the compassion of the public. I mean, look at Jennifer Aniston. Everyone loves her. She could get any role she wants right now, appear on any show, visit any celebrity. I mean, Oprah invited her up to her mansion. That means she's golden. The Big O has spoken.

Might we recommend, darling, that when you do go places, you do it dressed in something like this:


And not this:



Or this:



Oh-Audrey Hepburn called, and there's some huge soiree going on up in Heaven. She's really nervous because the big G is going to be there, and she wants to know if she can please please have her old black dress back?

Looks like it's time to go shopping, babe. Call me--I'll help you!