Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Burning question: Should we tuck our jeans into our boots?

Alright, ladies, I'm gonna level with you. Lately I've seen a lot of gals around with jeans tucked into their boots like this:

(Image from The Fug Girls)
I don't know who this broad is. I think she plays on the Sopranos. Maybe she'd be more famous if it weren't for this style. Maybe she'd be more famous if she brushed her hair. Maybe she'd be more famous if she washed her jeans, but I digress. The point is this: This gal is tall and leggy and lean.

Be honest with yourselves, ladies. Are you long and leggy and lean? If you are, then go right ahead and reach for the tucking sauce. It's your barbecue, after all. Are you short like me? In that case, stay away. Stay far, far, far away.

I've seen many a beautiful outfit on many a bootylicious broad absolutely ruined by the Tucking Sauce. It's just no good. You know I love you and I always tell you the truth. The truth is, women who are curvy shouldn't tuck their jeans. It makes them look like they're in denial about their generous figures. It wrenches them straight from Monroe Lane and lands them squarely at the corner of Teapot Court and Stout Street.

A woman in denial is not pretty at all. Your true beauty will show as you learn to embrace it and capitalize on what is best about it. You'll never realize your true potential (and trust me darlings, you ALL have potential) if you keep insisting on trying to conform to whatever the latest cheap Twiggy knockoff says is the new black.

"But all the famous girls are doing it!", you may protest. That's true. However, it seems to me that I've used that argument myself once or twice. I remember now. I used it when I trying to talk my mom into buying those pink pants so I could look just like MC Hammer. She wasn't impressed, obviously. "Others may", she told me, "you may not."

And if anything points to the fact that celebrity fashion is followed at one's own risk, it's definitely these pants:

(Image from Tarheel Blue)