Thursday, October 13, 2005

Snag Your Man

If you're one of those girls who has a hard time meeting guys, I can sympathize. A lot of the women I talk to say that it's nearly impossible to meet normal, employed men with all their teeth. There are plenty of weirdos, but no nice guys. The social dynamic between men and women is changing rapidly, and the old tricks just won't work anymore. There are a few things that women need to get comfortable doing if they want to find their very own kindred spirit.

1. Know exactly what you want, and settle for nothing less. This may sound harsh, but what's the point of messing around with a guy who really doesn't mesh well with you? You're wasting both of your time, and it just means you'll have to wait that much longer to find The One. Make a list of qualities, if you have to, to keep in mind what you are looking for in a guy. At the same time, don't make snap judgements about people. Get to know the fellow, find out what he's all about, and if he doesn't suit you, move on.

2. Grow a pair. I, personally, have never had a problem telling guys exactly how I feel, and it's worked well for me. Not every girl has the chutzpah to do it. What you need to remember about guys is that they don't pick up hints well, and they're just as nervous as you are. I'm not saying that you need to make the first move every time, but very often you'll think things are moving along between you and a guy, and you're waiting for him to say something, and he never does. Then you go home and analyze what he said over and over to determine if he likes you or not, and the best way to determine that is to just say something. Be coy, be smart, but say something. He may never say anything, and you don't want to be in that spot, right?

3. Once you have him, tell him what you want. There's nothing that can be more frustrating for a guy than when a girl makes him guess what she wants. He knows she wants something, that much he's aware of, but as I said before, guys don't do hints unless they're tied to bricks, so being a little more open about what you want will take the pressure off him and you'll actually get what you want. For example, let's say you're having a bad day, and you wish he would hug you and sit with you and comfort you. You think he should already know this, so you're not going to mention it and just hope he does it. This will not work - firstly, he's not a psychic, and secondly, every girl is different. Maybe his last girlfriend just wanted to be left alone when she was having a bad day. So now he has to learn a whole new set of reactions - tell him the first few times, and after a couple of months he'll already know what to do.

4. Don't be overwhelming. As much as it's wonderful to have a guy, if you overdo it, you'll most likely scare him away. If you call too much he'll start feeling smothered, then he'll ask for space, and that's not what you're trying to get to. Instead, let him be the one to call once in a while. He can't miss you unless you go away, and if he's doing the calling, then you know he really wants to talk and must have been thinking about you. This is the ticket! Let him take the lead a bit and find out where his comfort level is. Oh, and for crying out loud, whatever you do, don't assume that you have to do everything together. Have girls night, let him have guys night, or else he'll start to feel like he just gave everything up for a relationship. You have to both be two whole people to have a good relationship.

5. Be stellar to his friends and family. The people that he is close to are important for you to be good to, as well. Encourage him to bring friends to an occasion once in a while, be friendly when you run into his mom at the grocery store. By treating these inner-circle people well, he'll know he can bring you into that inner circle, too. Don't worry if someone doesn't particularly like you, though. If you put your best foot forward and they don't like you, it's their problem, not yours, and he'll recognize that. Don't give them a reason to dislike you. If you're truly not compatible, it will be something that will have to be dealt with, but most incompatibility issues stemmed from a lack of cordiality at your first few meetings. The key here is to pick your battles - if his dad thinks you're just a golddigger and doesn't trust you, that's his problem, but if he calls you a slut to your face, then it's your problem and you should politely ask him to shove it.