Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Men We Love to Hate

"Can we attack some dudes, cause ladies are getting enough hate these days...don't ya think?"

Echo, you had me at "Can we attack..." I love nothing more that doling out slams to the people who so richly deserve them. Just for the sheer thrill of it, three men that we absolutely love to hate on, and why. Just for the record, I'm leaving out Michael Jackson. As far as I'm concerned he's public enemy #1, but he's too easy a target, so we'll focus on some others. Ditto for Tom Cruise, and we've railed on Jude and Brad, so we'll move on.

1. Danny Bonaduce. You may remember this man as a kid from the Partridge Family. Like many child stars, this man couldn't handle not being famous or having yes men at his side, so he resorted to drugs and alcohol to bring him through. He has an impossibly patient wife Gretchen who, despite the mountain of evidence that he will never change, stands by her man quite admirably. Of course, she can't be that bright, she married him the very day she met him. What we hate about this guy is his crassness and the fact that he chose to make something as private as his crumbling marriage a public spectacle. Of course, I'm watching it, so I suppose I'm not that much better, but this incredibly voyeuristic look at his personality makes it clear that he is selfish and, frankly, an absolute psycho. I will give him that he does love his wife very much, but it's as if his love for her is selfish, too. He didn't mind cheating on her, but when her friends got her a stripper for her birthday party, he had a thrombo. This hypocritical, philandering exhibitionist has made it onto Las F's blacklist.

2. Donald Trump. Now, I don't really care that he married someone half his age, and it doesn't bother me that he's richer than Godiva chocolates. That's okay with me. What makes me absolutely despise this man is his ability to be magnanimous about anything that crosses his plate. He is happy to rub people's faces in his success at any given time, and his godlike spin as the master on The Apprentice just makes it easier for him to dispense his pellets of greatness upon others. The deal-breaker, though, is that if things aren't exactly going his way in the ratings department, he'll actually make numbers up to brag about. I can understand being proud of your accomplishments, but you don't need to be the best at everything all the time, Donald. Take a day off. And get some new hair, unless you need to cling to your toupee as a trademark, considering you're starting to slip in popularity. I did read an article in New York Magazine about his children, though, and they seem to be eerily well-adjusted. I think we can thank Ivana for that one.

3. Kobe Bryant. This guy is just aching for a write-off. He meets this girl and starts dating her although she is not even yet out of high school. I mean, May-December romances are one thing, and so is robbing the cradle, but he didn't even wait until she was potty-trained. Thankfully, she finished high school, which is good, since I don't think "Kobe's Wife" is a legitimate profession anymore. Then he cheats on her. What a classy guy. Not to mention his recent trial for sexual assault, which is just symptomatic of a bigger problem in sports today. Athletes are overpaid and over-idolized, so they get this idea that they can act however they choose and they can just buy their way out of their problems. As I confessed before, I'm an avid Rangers fan, but with the frequent cancellations of seasons over contract disputes, I've started to lose interest in the sport. It's more like a drama than entertainment. Here's hoping the athletic field starts to become more about the sport than the stories behind it.