Good Morning, Class. I am Your Substitute Teacher.
Hah, y'all! Ah know, it's mee again. Ah've been staying indoors a lot lately, and sorta traw-yin to avoid the pavarottis--ah mean, pizzarios, ah mean those people who always make me look so bad in dem pitchahs.
Ah'm here to introduce mah MAN, Kevin Federline! Come on ya'll don't laugh. I clean up real good, see?
Mah shoes match (Ah remembered shoes! That's better than that other time! And Ah even shaved mah legs and mah pits. Kevin won't allow razors near him so ah have to hide them in mah bathroom. Kevin doesn't like the bathroom much anyway, he says it gets in the way of his masculinity, or something. Ah dunno. Sean let me use his baby oil on them. Mah gaw, that kid is so cute, Ah swear Ah wanna dip him in batter and deep fry him! Not really, don't go callin them mean ESPN people on me, I mean CSP? Whatever, ya'll. They were HARSH.
Aw thought black hair sorta fit mah new personality, which Ah totally don't care about what people think of me no more. Kevin says it's the only way to make it in this bizniss and Ah think he knows seeing none of those rapper people will take him seriously. And anyway, this dress is TOTALLY pink except not too pink, because Ah'm totally mature now and have mature things to think about like MAH BABY. So the pink totally makes me glow and Ah love that because AH'm happy.
Let's talk some more about the GLOWING! Ah'm totally RADIATED, ya'll. Or whatever it is when you GLOW from Pregnancy! Ah'm a great mom and Ah'm totally proud of being a mom, so just CHILL.
Ah guess maybe the dress should be longer because those people could totally see up it, and Ah dunno it was just sorta uncomfortable, ya'll. But mah legs look GOOD, ya'll! Ah always feel that a woman has to work with what she has, and now that Ah'm pregnant ALL THE TIME Ah can't show off mah stomach like Ah used to...so Ah figure the legs'll have to do.
It was fun ya'll, AH hope these fashion ladies let me type to ya'll more later!
NOTE: This is not sarcastic. I actually was struck by Britney in these pictures, and I think it was more than just her fantastic motherly co-stars that impressed me. She looks GOOD. She looks really, REALLY good. She looks happy, healthy, and...dare I say it...centered. I can't believe I'm saying this, but...well done!
Now let's just hope Kevin can recoup some of his costs on that album he's dropping, because...DANG. It's BAD.