Monday, October 03, 2005

Star, why do you make it so easy?

Good grief. Boys and girls, this is why we always say: Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Let's look carefully. Apparently even Star's stylist can't help her out here. First faux pas: It's AFTER LABOR DAY. Never wear white after Labor Day. OK, I could tolerate a little bit of white, but an all-white dress? Fuggedabotit.

Item two: never, ever, ever wear white if you're trying NOT to look like a sea cow. This DOES mean you, Star, even if you have had a gastric bypass or whatever.

Item three: Why is she wearing white? Why didn't she wear pink, or blue? She looks like a runaway bride.

Item four: Look at that panty line right at her waist. Just look at it. Let this be a lesson to you ladies: If you're going to wear a dress like that, and you're Star Jones' proportions, then WEAR A FULL-BODY GIRDLE. The writer of this post is about a size 4 and ALWAYS, ALWAYS wears a girdle with dresses like that. Eww.

Item five: Look at that neckline. Is that her idea of cleavage? *Retches* Raise the neckline--no one wants to see your old-lady flapjack boobs.

Item six: Star, stop looking so smug. You just got FIRED. And everyone is happy about it.

In closing, please go away.