So YOU'RE the one responsible for the G*d-awful pants the kids are wearing these days. Don't give me that look, young lady! You KNOW the pants I'm talking about. The ones that cling to the legs of the wearer with all the ferocity of an Olsen twin to a non-fat latte. Yeah. Those. Why do you have to be SO cute, and wear such AWFUL clothes? Ashlee, maybe your squicky dad didn't tell you this, but there are other looks besides Big Texas Barbie and Disenfranchised Brunette. It's like you're in this weird adolescent in between phase of fashion where you vascillate wildly between those two looks, but often end up just looking unfortunate.

Did you steal that sweater from your grandpa? I'm sure he's darling. But really, maybe you can find a more constructive way to pay him sartorial tribute, like wearing one of his ties in your hair or borrowing his leather bomber jacket. It would certainly be better than that other jacket you wear sometimes.


Lindsay Lohan says-OMG Ashlee you look hot like a 20-year-old! Help me get dressed next year for VMA so that Las F don't come after me again! Help me not be a cougar anymore!