Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Be my groupie, I hate groupies and sellouts

We at Las F pride ourselves on the quality of all the pieces published here. Therefore, we are pleased to inform you, dear readers, that Ashlee Simpson has her eyes turned yet again towards that mecca of stardom, SNL. The pop tart has announced she'd love to reappear on Saturday Night Live.

Why? Is it to make up for her fiasco last fall, when she had that awful acid reflux?

While embarrassing, that gaffe (and subsequent halftime humiliation at the Orange Bowl) did little to slow Simpson's album sales or to detract from her status as a rising entertainer.

Now, with a movie hitting theaters this month and a new album ready for a fall release, Simpson is hoping to make a "Saturday Night Live" return.

"I would love to do it," Simpson tells reporters covering "Undiscovered," her first shot at big screen stardom. "It's not been confirmed, but I'd love to go back and do `Saturday Night Live.'"

"I would want to perform, but I'd love to act and make fun of myself as well," she laughs.

When prompted by potential motivations, she continues, "It's not necessarily about revenge on the world. It would just be fun for me to do it, just for myself."

No, the ever-original and inventive Ashlee would never come up with such a sellout reason. She's a very unique singer! She has unique songs! With music! And words! And waify boys who play guitars! Why don't you all recognize her for what she is: a truly undiscovered talent who is just waiting to get around her sister, Big Texas Barbie, and make a name for herself?

Ashlee would never, ever lip sync. We'd like to state for the record that we at Las F believe you, Ashlee! We will use all of our influential powers for good to turn the world back to you! Who cares that 10,000 people nationwide signed a petition saying something like "get the eff off the public scene"?!?! We don't care!

Ashlee is the best. She is so great that even her fashion is unique! Never mind all those dumb little copycats you see at the mall. They'll NEVER come close to being as cool as her. I mean, just look at that amazing black leather shrug coat! Now THAT'S style!

Clearly, Ashlee is the next great thing to happen to music. It's just that so far she's really undiscovered, except by discerning and discriminating ears like those belonging to the talented writers at Las F. There is no sellout sauce at this barbeque! We're HEARTFELT! We can see talent! Why, it was just the other day that we were saying how talented Avril Lavigne is.

You know, I think they need to make a movie that has Ashlee Simpson in it. It could be all about kids who haven't been discovered yet! And who aren't upset about it all, because they're soooooooooo true to themselves! They're SOOOOOOOOOOO real, you know? Ashlee would be SO great in that movie, as the unattached best friend of the star whose name no one knows, so SHE'S really the star! We could call it Undiscovered, since that's JUST what she is!

Let this be a warning to you all. Never, ever, ever set your alarm clock to Sarcastic.