When you were a teenager, did you watch Dawson's Creek? Did you watch something that you're even more embarassed to admit? I'm sure you did. For me, it was the Monkees. I watched every episode of that show, and it's still a source of embarassment. Why not sublimate that embarassment with shows that you're ashamed of now?

For your viewing pleasure, I submit to you The Surreal Life, which comes on Sunday nights at 9:00 on VH1. After having enjoyed the previous four seasons, number five comes back with all the spice of the last four rolled in one. The truly good part about the show is that it takes C-list celebrities who have A-list egos and slowly break them down by forcing them to live together. Hilarity ensues. Omarosa, the woman who needs no last name, is the reality star I love to hate, so it's truly enjoyable to watch her love on the camera, thinking she's being revered for her celebrity, when really we just can't stop watching the train wreck. For example, in the first episode, she let us know that she is "more brighter than Donald Trump." Can't make this up, folks. And that exactly VH1's tack - why write a script when the stars do a pretty good job themselves. Janice Dickinson is another example of the train wreck syndrome. I've seen four of the five episodes that have aired so far, and at some point during each one, she has quit the show, locked herself in a room and waited for someone to indulge her childish tantrums. But for the record, Janice > Omarosa. At least Janice is real all the time, she's (unfortunately) not faking any of her moments. Omarosa fakes almost everything, so who does she hate? Janice. Seeing a pattern? Best of all, there's a woman named after a car on this show - Caprice. Caprice has what I call Keirsten Montgomery Syndrome. Keirsten, a high school classmate, was born during her parents' vacation to England, and according to her, that's why she has a lisp. KMS has also struck Caprice, who uses British slang and just barely has a British accent, which she blames on her career spent modeling in London. Her birthplace? Texas.

And so, for celebrity dysfunction and more, do yourself the favor of watching The Surreal Life. For more hilarity, stay tuned afterwards for Celebrity Fit Club 2. I won't tell you about this one - it's truly indescribable.